What I Couldn't Explain When You Were Four

A short letter from Dad, for my little girl.

My dear daughter,

When you were about four, you started asking me a question. You see the pumpkins on the porches. You see your friends in costumes. You see the candy. And you ask me: why doesn't our family do what everyone else does?

You were too little then for a real answer. So I am writing it down now, in small words, for the day you can read it yourself.

Here is the first thing I want you to know. Our family does not do Halloween. That is our choice, and I will tell you why.

But first, hear me clearly: a few little things are harmless all on their own. A pumpkin is just a pumpkin. Candy is only candy. A sweet lion costume never hurt anyone. I am not scared of those, and you do not need to be either.

So what is the problem? It is not a pumpkin, and it is not the evening or the dark — you never have to be afraid of bedtime or nighttime.

Think back to our walk around the neighborhood. Do you remember what we saw? Big fake spiders on the bushes, and sticky white webs stretched across the doors. Skeletons stuck in the grass — some even climbing out of the ground. A friendly cartoon character on one house, but someone had given him long, pointy vampire teeth and blood on his mouth. Ghosts hanging from the trees. A pumpkin carved with a mean, scary face.

Now let's sort them, you and me. Some of what we saw is okay. A pumpkin is okay. A cat is okay. A child dressed as a ladybug is okay. These things do not try to scare anyone.

But a lot of what we saw was made to look scary on purpose — the pointy teeth with blood, the ghosts, and all the skeletons. Did you notice how many kinds of skeletons there were? A giant one like a dinosaur. One shaped like a dog. Ones shaped like people, standing by the door. I want to tell you something simple about them. A skeleton is what is left when someone has died. It is a sign of death. But do you know what Jesus gives us? Life. Jesus is alive, and He makes us alive. So why would we put death all over our house like a decoration? That does not match the God we love.

And I will be honest with you, because I always will be: it puzzles me too. I do not fully understand how some grown-ups look at all this death and say it is okay. Maybe for some it is just what they grew up with. But no matter the reason, it does not fit the Bible, and it does not fit us. When you are not sure if something is okay, you can always ask Mom or me, and we will look at it together.

Here is an easy way to test it, and you can do this your whole life. Picture baby Jesus in Bethlehem — the little baby in the manger, warm and gentle and full of light. Now ask: would Jesus dress up like a zombie, or a ghost, or something bloody and scary? Your heart already knows the answer. No. If Jesus would not wear it or enjoy it, then it is not for us either. That one picture will help you more than any long rule from me.

Because our family loves Jesus, and Jesus is light. So in our home we have one simple rule: we bring light to the door, not darkness.

Let me tell you a story. When I was a little boy in Ethiopia, we had holidays where children went from house to house, just like here. We would sing at each door. We would say a kind blessing over the family inside. Then they would give us bread, or a few coins. And at the end of the day, we put it all together and shared it with each other.

So going to a door is not the problem. Here is what I want you to see: the child at the door came to give something good — a song, a blessing, a smile. That is beautiful. God loves that.

Now think about the words everyone says on Halloween night: "trick or treat." Do you know what those words really mean? They mean: "Give me a treat, or I will play a trick on you." Long ago, children truly meant it — if you did not give them candy, they might do something bad to your house! It was a little threat at the door.

Do you see the difference? Back home, the child came to the door to give a blessing. "Trick or treat" says "give me, or else." One brings something good. The other is a small threat. That is not how people who follow Jesus talk at a door. We want to be the kind who bring something good.

And here is something to watch as you grow. When you are little, most of it is the funny, cute kind. But the bigger kids get, the more they lean toward the scary, bloody, dead-looking things — like the vampire teeth and skeletons we saw. It creeps that way slowly. That part is not light, and God tells us to stay away from it:

"Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them." — Ephesians 5:11 (NASB95)

In plain words: don't join in with dark things. Bring light instead.

We are never afraid of the dark stuff, because God is bigger than all of it:

"...greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world." — 1 John 4:4 (NASB95)

In plain words: God lives in you, and He is stronger than anything out there.

So here is what our family does. We keep our porch light on. When children come, we smile and say hello — we are not the scary dark house. We just tell them, kindly, that our family does not do this one. And if anyone ever comes to our door truly needing help — hungry, cold, or hurting — we will always give, any day of the year. Because candy is not a need, but a hurting person is. Our door is open for that, always.

My girl, we were never trying to keep you from fun. We were teaching you something bigger: wherever you go, bring something good to the door. Be a blessing, not just a taker. That is all we ever wanted for you.

Other families will choose differently, and that is between them and God. We love them all the same.

Here is my little prayer for you:

Jesus, thank You that You are light. Help my children carry light to every door. Make them kind and brave, never afraid. Teach them to give, not only to get. We love You. Amen.

Love,

— Dad